Dear Tina Yothers...

Before I begin this post, I must first explain the title of it. Way back in 7th grade, I got a new best friend named Sara. Sara, I would come to find out, was nuts about celebrities and wrote to them ALL to bolster her collection of celebrity photos/autographs. I quickly joined the fun, and she and I spent countless hours writing ridiculous letters on groovy stationery to just about anyone who was ever on TV in the early-ish 80s.

The thing was, we were not picky. We would write to anyone. And a surprising number of these celebrities responded. You didn't always get a response, but if you did, there were three typical responses:

1. The most common was a headshot or cast photo with a signature or signatures that may or may not have been original. St. Elsewhere. Hill Street Blues. Family Ties. The Cosby Show. I had all those cast photos with "autographs."
   
2. A real gem was a photo with a clearly original signature. I probably had a few of these, but I specifically remember Linda Lavin's (Alice on "Alice"). It was CLEARLY a ball point pen--it left an imprint on the picture and everything! It must have been the first real signature I got, because I can still picture it. {Edited to add, I also had one of these from Glenn Scarpelli, who played the added-on-kid who appeared in later seasons of "One Day at a Time." The reason this was so awesome was because Sara was in LOVE with him and had written him many times to no avail. I wrote him once and ... voila! A signed photo arrived in my mail. One cannot begin to describe Sara's 7th grade jealousy.}
   
3. The rarest of all responses was an actual note/letter written by the celebrity. I may have had a few of these, but the only one I remember is the lovely little letter I got on pale blue/flowered stationery from Tina Yothers, the little sister on Family Ties. Oh yes. It's true.
   

This is where I echo the point that we were not picky. We wrote to EVERYONE. But Tina, who was probably 10 or 12 at the time, wrote me an honest-to-goodness letter in which she mentioned that she had driven through Davenport (where I lived) with her family the previous summer and blah blah blah. Now, Tina was not the epitome of cool at the time, but the fact that I got an actual letter from a celebrity impressed me to no end.

Of course jealous, spiteful people have since pointed out that Tina had time to write me because mine was likely the only fan letter she received. Oh, ha ha. You guys are hilarious. (And perhaps accurate, but come on - don't be hating on Tina! What did she ever do to you?)

Anyway... at some point I was telling my friends Matt and Kristie about this whole celebrity-writing business and the "coup" of getting an actual letter from Tina. They found this completely hilarious and tease me about it to this day. (See "jealous," above.)

Which leads me to the title of this post. At some point after I had told them this story, I was telling a different story to both of them and Kristie was joking that I would probably write about whatever it was that happened in my diary that night. " 'Dear Diary...' " she said, pretending to be me. {PAUSE} "I mean, 'Dear Tina Yothers...' " Even I am humble enough to see the great humor in that line - we laughed so hard.

That line has stuck with us, and we'll sometimes pull it out for an oldie-but-goodie laugh. It came up again in earnest when Tina appeared on VH-1's Celebrity Fit Club and proved to be a tough and fair and level-headed and sweet and righteous competitor. I do believe that Matt now is a little jealous of my pale blue flowered Tina letter! I'm just saying.

So it's appropriate I title this post Dear Tina Yothers today, because the topic I'll address below is one that Matt said would make a good post. And in e-mailing with Kristie recently I mentioned that I should have a recurring blog post entitled "Dear Tina Yothers." She thought it a fabulous idea.

So now, without further ado, I bring to you my first DTY post. {drum roll, please...}

Dear Tina Yothers,
Please explain to me how it has come to pass that the following people get to be parents before I do:

• Britney Spears
• Courtney Love
• The kid I babysat for
• Clay Aiken
• Jamie Lynn Spears, for crying out loud
  
• Ricky Martin

I mean, what's next? Amy Winehouse? Indeed, the list gets longer by the day. I may even add to it later as more come to mind.

Dear Tina, please tell me how.

Signed,
Your favorite fan,
Bess